SELF CARE when you don't feel like caring about anything, especially yourself

Who has time for self care? You've got kids needing help with homework, they need to be driven to soccer practice or dance class, you need to answer 20 e-mails for work, return several missed calls and texts, make dinner then clean it up, get baths over with and get the kids in bed before midnight so you can straighten up the house before you finally remove what make-up is left on your face and drag your overly tired butt to bed. At 2 am! Just think you get to do it all again starting at 5:30! YAY!!!!

Believe me when I say, "I learned so much about myself during this time in my life." I wouldn't change any of it. I learned I can function on 4 hours of sleep. I can get my kids to all of their activities or at least ask for help from my Mom and a close friend. I can still kick ass at work and take care of each of my clients. I can keep my house cleaner than normal because I became obsessive about it. I can keep my kids clothed, clean and fed, so basically I can keep 2 kids alive! GO ME!!!

BUT....even though I was killing it in a few areas, I was failing miserably at taking care of myself. I would forget to eat or I needed to make sure my kids had enough to eat and there just wasn't any left for me, so I got skinny and I don't mean healthy skinny. My clothes looked pretty sloppy on me because they obviously didn't fit any more. My Mom took pity on me and bought me a few cute new outfits so I didn't look like a homeless person. I had definitely come up with a way to lose weight. Get a divorce from a man who doesn't think he should contribute to your children's care until he is ordered by a court to do so and then he only pays when its convenient. Ha, it wasn't convenient very often. He had assured me when we started through the process of divorce he would pay $600 a month until the divorce was final. He did. For one month. My hair got long. Not because I necessarily wanted it long. I didn't have the time or the money to have it cut into a great style. I just worked with what I had. Thank goodness for my cosmetic obsession over the years and the tub of make-up I didn't love but would work until I could afford the brand I preferred. I learned to stretch a dime around the block 10 times and a few more if necessary. I'm pretty proud of that. My parents had taught me money didn't grow on trees. But let me tell you, there were times I really wish I had found that money tree. I noticed those looks of "poor pathetic" her when I walked into church on Sunday or the women who leaned over to say something about me to the woman sitting on the pew in front of her as they both look my way. Girls, I'm to damn tired to give two craps what you think or say about me. That actually fits in my mean girl post. UGH!

During this time I was seeing a counselor. I'd been seeing him for over a year. He freaking ROCKED! He let me cry my eyes out until they were so swollen I wasn't sure I could see to drive home, he let me get pissed and I mean say really bad words pissed and he always listened and when I left his office he made sure I was making progress in my anger and sadness. There were even times he put me in my place because I out of control crazy. But only in his office did I get out of control crazy. No one else could see I wasn't doing just fine.

I remember one session he specifically asked me, "What are YOU doing to take care of yourself?" What? Take care of myself? I asked him as seriously as I could with what time would he like me to take care of myself. His reply. Make time! He informed me that I couldn't effectively or efficiently give care to anyone (my kids) if I wasn't giving myself the care I needed. What exactly did that mean? Hell, I could hardly find time to pee.

I learned that self-care can be cheap and even FREE! I liked free a lot. I was given the assignment to give myself at least 30 minutes of self-care every single day. Some times it included my kids. We would take walks and talk. I loved that time with them. When I did individual self-care I would get my kids in bed then soak in a hot tub, meditate on the floor by my bed, read a book, listen to music or do absolutely nothing but it was always a positive something. For 30 beautiful, glorious minutes I would do something for me. In the beginning it was SO HARD! I felt so much guilt. There were a million things I needed to be doing but I had promised Norm I would give myself 30 minutes of self-care a day so I was going to do it.

I did it for a day, then two and pretty soon it had been a week and I looked so forward to that 30 minutes it was crazy. The guilt started to fade and I craved that 30 minutes.

My next session with Norm I walked in sat down and waited for him to say something to me.......crickets! He just looked at me, it had been 2 weeks since I'd last seen Norm. He smiled. "You look different," he stated. I look different? I hadn't changed my appearance in any way. He said to me your doing your homework aren't you? I wanted to do a little dance when I answered with big YES! I felt like a different person. I felt more in control of my emotions, my life overall felt somehow less chaotic. I'd lived in chaos for so long I didn't know what it felt like to take care of me. I write this not as some huge pat on the back to me because I was finally getting my crap together. I write it to tell all the mama's out there that taking care of you is in NO way selfish! It's a MUST!

Take care of yourself so you can take care of those beautiful littles that need you, that love you and they need you to show up and be your best self. You don't need to use any of my self care techniques. Find your own self care techniques. I promise you it will be worth it to you and to every person in your life you love and care for. TAKE CARE OF YOU!

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